We are mourning the death of my youngest child, Timothy Mark O’Callaghan. Tim (51) died at the home of a friend on 28 December, 2024. His death was sudden, unexpected and still to be explained.
I do not need to tell you of our heartbreak.
Instead, I’ll share again a poignant memory of Tim. We were on a mini-holiday near Rockingham, not far from Perth. One afternoon he invited me (his 86 year old, arthritic mother) to walk on the beach with him.
A poem in Tim’s memory
The idea of walking on the beach seemed like inviting a miracle. What happened next was even more amazing. Here’s a poem I wrote in response to this joyful experience.
Take me for a spin in your boat, she said (after Mary Oliver)
So I helped her barefooted across the sand
left her on a driftwood log at the ocean’s edge
where she watched me
wade knee-deep to release the anchor
and pull the dinghy towards her.
Sat her on the gunwhale so she could
swing her legs around and shuffle in.
Started the motor with a roar and a puff of fuel,
eased through white-tipped waves
among empty buoys encrusted with mussels
ponderous shags claiming moored yachts
silver herring darting among weeds
and ruffling the ocean’s surface.
It took, to do this, perhaps an hour
an hour of tranquil pleasure.
Thank you
Thank you for all the pleasure and joy you brought into my life.
Rest in peace, my darling Tim.
Maureen, what a burden for you and your family to bear. Your poem is a tribute to your relationship with him. It is lovely and poignant. May he rest in peace and may you ride the waves of sorrow well. Love Jan
Dear Jan. Tim’s death a week ago was a heavy blow to all of us. My relationship with Tim, my baby, has always been special. He was born after his thirteen week old brother, Patrick, died as a result of Sudden Infant Death Syndrome. Thank you for your comment and kind wishes.
A truly beautiful poem of memories.May you all be wrapped around with gentle love and be sent the people that you need to ease your days, as you wait. Love, Maureen.🙏
I have so many beautiful memories of Tim, Maureen. Thank you for your love and concern. Family and friends are caring for me with great tenderness. In spite of the pain, I feel blessed. Thank you.
A beautiful memory, dearest Maureen. My heart breaks with yours. Holding you in love.
Thank you, dear friend.
My Dear Maureen,
I am so very sorry to read this heartbreaking news.
I can only imagine the pain and devastation you are feeling right now.
Such a beautiful moving poem.
You have my deepest sympathy and my prayers.
Thank you for your love and prayers, Sue. Our family is stunned and devastated. However, I felt as if I didn’t post about Tim’s death, I would probably never blog again.
I can understand the need to write about Tim’s death.
I would feel just the same.
I think about you every day, Maureen. I have attempted to email you but my messages were returned. I wonder if you have changed your email address?
Thank you for your comment and kindness, SueW. I needed to write about Tim’s death because I knew that if I didn’t I would probably never write again. Thank you for undewrstanding. My email address is maureen.helen@outlook.com It would be lovely to hear from you. xx
Thank you Maureen for sharing such a beautiful memory. I cannot imagine the pain oh losing a child but my prayers, thoughts and love are with you, my dearest friend.
Thank you for your comment, ongoing support and love, Elizabeth.
Unutterably sad. Thank you for sharing. I love the poem. Was Tim the one who published your memoir? My heart is with you. I haven’t lost my children to death. We’ve always had a second chance. I wish for you the consolation of many shared happy memories and knowledge of the love that bound you.
I shared this blog because I knew that if I didn’t write about Tim’s death I would never write again. I wrote the poem a few weeks after we went out in the boat. My brother Peter Stone published my second memoir, and reprinted Other People’s Country. I know you and your children were separated for some years, and I’m glad you were reunited and continued your friendship/relationship with them.
Unutterably sad. I cannot imagine what it is to lose a child to death. But perhaps, even in death, there is a chance for a second life of connection, because the spirit does not die with the flesh. Wishing you connection and love.
I’m comforted by your support and especially with your suggestion that there will be some sort of life after death. Tim is the fourth of my children to die – two as babies, two in their fifties. It feels, well, unnatural.Thank you for your continued connection with me. I value our friendship.
I’m so sad that Tim has died, Maureen. I know you had some very special times with Tim near Pt Peron, and no doubt, many other places too … your beautiful poem evokes feelings and memories of some of those times. with love, Margaret
Dear Margret, thank you for understanding the connection between Tim and me. I’m struggling to see how my life will be without him. But I’m blessed with many lovely memories of good and even not so good times we shared.
Although you were hesitant, I am so glad that you wrote this piece, the tribute to your Tim. And hope that you keep writing.
We are so blessed to hug and spend time with you today – it is immeasurably hopeless and sad.
All our love ❤️ CBEAEPA
Dear Claire-Helen thank you for your love support kindness hugs. Thank you for being kind about my blog. If I hadn’t posted this, I may never have written again. Mxx
Dear Maureen, I am so sorry for yet another deep loss in your life. It brings comfort to know you & your beloved son had some wonderful memories together to ease your sadness at times. Thinking of you with much prayers of comfort & love. Nena & family
Hi, Nena, Thank you for your kind message, prayers of comfort and love. Yes, I have many wonderful memories of Tim. In time, I will allow myself to think about them. But right now, the best I can do is to just get on with the next thing. Much love, Maureen
I am so sorry. I cannot imagine the heartbreak you must be experiencing. May Tim’s memory always be for a blessing. Sending prayers for comfort and peace.
Dear Deb, thank you for your message and prayers. It comforts me. Mx
Maureen, dear Maureen. My love a hugs to you and your family in this very difficult time. The loss of your beautiful, loving son, Timothy, must be so hard for you, Maureen. Your poem is so warm, gentle and captures the magic of your love for your son, and his mutual love and respect for you, his Mum. Huge hugs to you, dear Maureen and I trust that the rest of your beautiful family are standing by your side, as they always have. ❤️
Dear Tricia, These are indeed hard times, but I am very grateful for your comforting messages. Tim and I had some wonderful holidays and times together, as well as the ordinary, ‘dropping in for a coffee’ times. I can hardly yet imagine my life without him. My family and friends are being kind and supportive. I am blessed to be cared for with such tenderness. Mx
Maureen, Jenny just let me know. I am so very sorry for your loss, and the layers of loss you live with. I of course remember Tim from Hollywood school days, long before I knew the enduring connection I would have with the O’Callaghan family. With much love from me and mine to you and yours – Katrina
Hi, Katrina, thank you for your comforting message and love. It is lovely that you shared that you had a connection with Tim.
Dear Maureen, I’m so sorry you have such sadness to bear. What a heartbreaking loss without answers that might help understanding.
I wish for some comfort for you soon.
Valerie
Dear Valerie, thank you. Your message is a comfort. Because this death was sudden and unexpected, it became a Coroner’s case. We will one day know the cause of Tim’s death, although it may take up to eighteen months. A seafarer, he had an e-ticket on his phone for a flight the day after he died, and was joining a new ship the following day. So inexplicable!
Maureen ,
I have only just returned from leave and learned of Tim’s passing today (28 January).
I had come to know Tim through my job working for the Maritime Union.What started out as a professionalism relationship, became a friendship. The Tim I knew was a man of principle and integrity generous and warm and protective those who couldn’t stand up for themselves .
Tim worked tirelessly as a peace campaigner and on social justice issues we worked on a number of those together.
This morning I have had the task of letting people in those community groups know of Tim’s passing.
The outpouring of love and affection for Tim from those people has been very moving. For example :
“Tim made such an effort to be was warm welcoming and friendly towards me ”
“he was such a staunch yet gentle human”
“You could always rely upon Tim to be there for you”
I know of one instance where Tim stood between 3 car loads of drunk aggressive young men and a group of defenseless people. He saved those defenseless people from being attacked . He did nt use violence or threats. It was his strength of charterer and his mere presence which convinced the aggressors to leave peacefully and quietly .
The people Tim protected that night had and still have no idea of that danger or what Tim had done for them . He didn’t want what he had done to be known . He didn’t want people to fear a danger which had passed . He wanted to spare them from the anxiety.
and he didn’t want any accolades or glory for being a a true hero
Tim showed me the footage of the incident And as per his wishes I have kept it all a secret up until today.
Your son had meaningful and profound impact on so many people. You deserve to be proud of having raised such man.
Michael Quinn
Dear Michael, Thank you for your wonderful comments about my son, Tim. Yes, he was someone to be proud to know, and I miss him so much. He was not only my son but also my friend, and I loved his warmth and gentleness. Sp many lovely memories of our time together. I loved sharing with him about his passion for social justice and all the other things in which we were both interested. Thank you for sharing your experience of him and for telling me that he had such an influence on people. I did not read your comment until a few minutes ago. Kind regards, Maureen.
I a, so sorry to learn of your sons’ passing. I can not imagine the grief you feel. You loved him every day of his life, Tim Bever had a day that he was without your love and caring I hope thod comforts you. O am so very sorry. x <ichele
Thank you for your kind comforting thoughts, Michele.